There are 3 major components to any relationship and friendship –honesty, trust, and communication. Each relies on the other in order to survive, yet these factors are the most difficult to keep. Why? Along our path of life we have learned ways to use these in the world and know their importance, but still, they are hard to carry out.
It is often fear that drives the breakdowns in these three areas.
People shy away from honesty because they fear the outcomes of the truth and care about the other, wanting to please them and make them happy, thinking that the truth will either hurt them or cause them to leave. We become enslaved into a world that puts us out of control because we become controlled by wanting to please the ones we care about so much, and fear letting them know the truth. We fear the ones we love cannot handle even the smallest of truths.
Communication works the same way, we often have a hard time being open and honest about our feelings because we fear conflict, hurting another, or just because of the simple fact that we think that if we ignore it, it will go away. The truth is, at some point along the way, the truth will come out. But by waiting until the “right time to talk about it”, or by continuing to put if off, the hidden truths have already started to breakdown the trust because of doubt, unanswered questions, and the mystery. See, these all breakdown the other key factor, Trust.
Each is a web that connects to the other, that holds together love and friendship. When trust is gone, it is so hard to gain that back completely.
It hurts much more to wait to talk about things or to let them build up, because the trust is destroyed. In relationships, we can all “feel” something within our hearts that tell us things are not quite right, but if we leave them in question, so many assumptions can be made in the mind that causes anxiety and continues to build a fear in our hears.
But we often shut down and don’t talk about these, hoping that they will work themselves out, or denying the possibility that something could be wrong. When in reality, the anxiety causes the desire in our heart to runaway from our fears.
If we are upfront and talk openly about things, when they arise, it is much easier to deal with them in the here and now. Any hurt or pain that is felt, will be much less than any hurt or pain that will be felt when the dam breaks and all things held in comes flooding out. At that point, it may be too late.